The Husband of One Wife

Last week, in our Family Meeting, I was asked to state my meaning of, “the husband of one wife”. I was not warned about this question and I gave my best “off the cuff” answer. I have studied this passage in the past, but new information was presented to me and I started re-examining my views. At the time I was not prepared to give my answer, but I did the best I could. I am writing this document to clarify and explain my views, and my position, on this important issue. Before we begin let me build a foundation of understanding about God’s Word.

The Bible is the Word of God. It is truth with no mixture of error and it is authoritative for us today. Although the Bible has many writers, it has only one Author, God and He has only one meaning intended for every passage. The receivers of the original writings understood what was said and what was intended by the message. The Bible still says what it says and means what it means.

Today, the Bible student must be careful to understand God’s intent in the receiver’s context and then properly apply it in our context. Over the years there have been several cultural changes from ancient Hebrew and Greek culture to our modern American culture. We must study to find God’s intent.

For example 1 Corinthians 11:5-6 says: “But every woman that prayeth or prophesieth with her head uncovered dishonoureth her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven. 6 For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.” Without the proper understanding of context, and the proper application in the church today, someone may wrongly think this passage requires a woman to wear a hat in church. Some people may wrongly want to forbid women from the church if their head is uncovered.

So what does, “the husband of one wife” mean? In my study I have learned the meaning of this passage is not solid among all Southern Baptist theologians. That means Southern Baptists who have studied the Bible for more years than me, and possess more theological understanding, do not have a consensus. First, let me share the various viewpoints, then I will talk about its application.

Here are the scriptural passages as printed in the King James Version:
1Timothy 3:2 “A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach”; 1Timothy 3:12 “Let the deacons be the husbands of one wife, ruling their children and their own houses well.”; Titus 1:6 “If any be blameless, the husband of one wife, having faithful children not accused of riot or unruly.”

There are five basic interpretations, and several variations, theologians, scholars and preachers defend today concerning “the husband of one wife.” It is important to understand them.

1. Not single. This position says a church pastor or deacon could not be a single man. Defenders of this position look at a single man, and a widower, as being disqualified. This group would also generally disqualify a married man who had no children or had only one child.

2. Not polygamous. This position says a church pastor or deacon could not be married to more than one woman at the same time. Everyone, in all groups, agrees a person involved in polygamy is disqualified from being a pastor or a deacon. The defenders of other positions say, “Just because this passage excludes polygamy it does not mean it has to ONLY exclude polygamy.”

3. Not divorced. There are several factions within this one general group. Some say the candidate for pastor or deacon must have never been divorced at any time for any reason. Others see a difference between divorced before salvation and divorced after salvation. Still others see a difference between a permitted divorce (because of sexual sin) and a non-permitted divorce (see Matthew 5:31-32; Matthew 19:9; 1 Corinthians 7:15 – Both Jesus and Paul recognized biblical reasons for divorce).
(Note 1: The Greek word for “fornication” used in Matthew is “pornea.” It is the same Greek word at the root of the word, “pornography.” Jesus said divorce because of “Pornea” is not sin. According to Jesus, all divorce is not the same. Additionally, “pornea” is not limited to having sexual relations with someone outside of marriage, it includes all forms of sexual sin. Jesus said if you look upon a woman to lust after her you have committed adultery already in your heart (Matthew 5:28). )
(Note 2: If someone makes all reasons for divorce the same, they void the exception Jesus gave, and place themselves above the Author of Scripture. In a sense, they are telling Jesus what is sin.)
(Note 3: Some say it seems strange a person who has committed murder in the past can be qualified, a person who has molested children in the past can be qualified, but a person who has been biblically divorced, even prior to salvation, is disqualified. Was this God’s intent?)

4. Not remarried after becoming a widower. Some scholars say a widower who remarries cannot be a pastor or a deacon. A few people take this a little differently saying an otherwise qualified widower is only disqualified, if he marries a divorced woman. 1 Corinthians 7:39 says, “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.” This says the widow, or widower, is free to remarry, as long as they marry a Christian. Forced singleness was taught by false teachers (1 Timothy 4:3).

5. Marital faithfulness. The final view interprets this phrase directly from the Greek: mias gunaikos. This Greek phrase literally means a “one-woman man,” a faithful husband to the wife he has. The Greek does not give any information about any previous marital conditions or situations. There are Greek words for situations, like divorce, but they were not used here. This whole passage is a picture, a snapshot, of what the person is, not what the person was. If a man is not faithful to his wife, he is not a one woman man, he is disqualified to be a pastor or deacon, even if he was never divorced.

Notes from a few commentaries:
Albert Barnes Notes on the Bible says, “At a time when polygamy was not uncommon, to say that a man should “have but one wife” would be naturally understood as prohibiting polygamy.”
Robertson’s Word Pictures says, “1Ti 3:12 Of one wife (mias gunaikos). At a time, as in 1Ti_3:2.”
J. Vernon McGee Commentary says, “I think that the primary meaning here is that the bishop or elder should not have two wives. Polygamy was common in Paul’s day, and bigamy was certainly prevalent. The officer in the church should be the husband of one wife.”
John MacArthur in his book, The Master’s Plan for the Church, on page 249 says, “The concept of a one-woman man has nothing to do with marital status. Paul was giving moral qualifications for spiritual leadership, not outlining what an elder’s social status or external condition should be. One-woman man speaks of the man’s character, the state of his heart. If he is married, he is to be devoted solely to his wife. Whether or not he is married, he is not to be a “ladies’ man.” “Unfortunately, it is possible to be married to one woman yet not be a one-woman man. Jesus said, “Everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart” (Matt. 5:28). What Paul told Timothy is that a married – or unmarried – man who lusts after many women is unfit for ministry. An elder must love, desire, and think only of the wife whom God has given him.”

My Opinion and my Position
My opinion on this matter? Over the years I have found the only person not permitted an opinion is the pastor. In fact it is true, my opinion is not important. God’s opinion is the only opinion that matters, and His opinion is not just an idea, it is law. Before we continue it is important to understand three principles which come into consideration here.

First, there is the principle of the hedge. A hedge is placed on a property line to recognize where the line is, and to warn a person when they are about to cross it. This principle is found in many scriptural references, beginning in Genesis.

In Genesis 3:2-3 there is evidence Adam gave the Woman the hedge of, “neither shall ye touch it,” for her protection. The Jews wanted to protect the people from breaking the Law of Moses found in the Torah so they wrote the Talmud. The Talmud was a set of extra laws to help prevent the breaking of God’s law. These extra precautions became so elevated in importance Jesus warned the Jews in Matthew 15:9, “But in vain they do worship me, teaching for doctrines the commandments of men.”

We may make a hedge around certain laws by making our ways and actions conform to a more strict interpretation of God’s law, but we must never allow our actions to be more permissive than God’s law. God’s law says husbands ought to love their wives and in my family, I don’t only love my wife but we have a “date night” every week. Our date night is an extra hedge we have added to maintain stability, communication, and love in our relationship. It is one way we protect our relationship.

The second principle is the principle of application. The Bible says what it says and means what it means, but there is found in Scripture the principle where you apply it differently than it is written. Paul said it this way in 1 Corinthians 10:23, “All things are lawful for me, but all things are not expedient: all things are lawful for me, but all things edify not.”

Just because Scripture allows us to do something does not mean the Scriptures requires us to do it. This principle is found in 1 Corinthians with the permission given to eat meat offered to idols. In Paul’s day pagans brought live animals to pagan temples to sacrifice them to the idols. The pagan priests would burn some, eat some and sell some. The markets where they sold the meat offered to idols were called, “shambles.” Shambles were often the better meat markets of the day.

Paul said in 1 Corinthians 10:25-27, “Whatsoever is sold in the shambles, that eat, asking no question for conscience sake: 26 For the earth is the Lord's, and the fulness thereof. 27 If any of them that believe not bid you to a feast, and ye be disposed to go; whatsoever is set before you, eat, asking no question for conscience sake.” Paul knew idols were really nothing and meat offered to idols was just as spiritual as meat from the barn. Even a feast given by pagans was ok to attend and to eat the meat, as long as the Lord was not convicting you for it. In those situations Paul said in a sense, “If you don’t know where the meat is from, don’t ask so you don’t even have to consider the issue.”

What Paul meant, the principle of application, is better understood through the next passage, 1 Corinthians 10:31-33: “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God. 32 Give none offence, neither to the Jews, nor to the Gentiles, nor to the church of God: 33 Even as I please all men in all things, not seeking mine own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved.” The main issue is not idols or meats, it is doing what it takes to get people saved.

In Romans 14 Paul is again applying this important principle. The principle of application says one Christian should restrict their freedom in Christ for the benefit of other Christians. Romans 14:13 says, “Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock or an occasion to fall in his brother's way.” Romans 14:19 says, “Let us therefore follow after the things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.” In Romans 14:21 Paul gets to the core principle, the principle of application when he says, “It is good neither to eat flesh, nor to drink wine, nor any thing whereby thy brother stumbleth, or is offended, or is made weak.” Mature Christians often must limit their freedoms for the benefit of others.

The third principle is the principle of love. Love is the central issue. It is to be the mark by which we are known as Christians. Remember the passage in 1 Corinthians 10? Look at verse 24, “Let no man seek his own, but every man another's wealth.” We are not to seek our own desires, even if they are within the law, but we are to seek the benefit of others out of a heart of understanding and love.

We are reminded in 1 Corinthians 13:2, “And though I have the gift of prophecy, and understand all mysteries, and all knowledge; and though I have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing.” And who can forget the impact of the final verse of the chapter, verse 13, “And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity (love).”

My Official Position:
I have no doubt what the Scripture says in 1 Timothy 3:2; 3:12; and Titus 1:6. I also have no doubt what God’s intent was when he supernaturally wrote them through Paul (and Paul’s scribe). There are times when a pastor, after much study and prayerful consideration, must give his best advice. The pastor’s opinion may be one thing while the pastor’s position, for the benefit of the church, must be guided by principles found in God’s Word to place hedges, apply scripture appropriately, and to do all things in love with the big picture in mind – the winning of the lost to Christ.

As long as I am Pastor of New Testament Baptist Church I will continue to stand on the Word of God as I have from the beginning. I will only ordain men as deacons and pastors who qualify for their position according to God’s Word. Scripture forbids, and I will not ordain, a woman, nor a homosexual for any reason. I will only ordain a genetic male living as a godly male in holiness.

As it pertains to the passage (the husband of one wife) – I will not, nor was it ever my intention, ordain, either as a pastor or a deacon, a divorced man, no matter when the divorce occurred, even if the divorce was on biblical grounds. I will not ordain a polygamist, or a bigamist. I will not ordain a man who is a womanizer, a whoremonger, a fornicator, a pornographer, or a pedophile whether they are single or married, even if they have never been divorced. The candidate for ordination may be single (never married), but if they are married they are to be married only once, to a godly Christian woman. If the wife has died the widower is free to remarry a Christian woman or remain single, according to God’s will. I will ordain a qualified widower, single or married, as long as they are otherwise scripturally qualified.

I apologize for any confusion or misunderstanding because I was not properly prepared when this issue was originally brought up. In hind sight I should have deferred my answer until the next meeting, so I could give the subject a better examination and then a more appropriate reply.

The best way to close this topic is to study what Paul wrote in 1 Thessalonians 5:12-22, “And we beseech you, brethren, to know them which labour among you, and are over you in the Lord, and admonish you; 13 And to esteem them very highly in love for their work's sake. And be at peace among yourselves. 14 Now we exhort you, brethren, warn them that are unruly, comfort the feebleminded, support the weak, be patient toward all men. 15 See that none render evil for evil unto any man; but ever follow that which is good, both among yourselves, and to all men. 16 Rejoice evermore. 17 Pray without ceasing. 18 In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. 19 Quench not the Spirit. 20 Despise not prophesyings. 21 Prove all things; hold fast that which is good. 22 Abstain from all appearance of evil.”